I had miserably failed.
The questions weren’t particularly difficult, yet no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find the right answer.
I should have moved on to the next question, but I stubbornly clung to the problem, thinking I was close to solving it.
In the end, I failed to manage my time and, consumed by impatience, couldn’t properly answer the other questions either.
When I got home, I didn’t even bother to check my answers.
I didn’t want to face what I knew would be a dismal outcome.
Was it because I didn’t put in enough effort?
Or did I simply not try hard enough?
Enveloped by a sense of defeat, I couldn’t bring myself to leave my bed.
All I could do was close my eyes and try to sleep.
At least when I’m asleep, I don’t have to think about anything.
But the despair was so overwhelming that I couldn’t even fall asleep.
After tossing and turning for a while, I went to the bathroom to wash my face and returned to bed.
Finally, I caught a fleeting moment of drowsiness and fell asleep.
But somehow it felt like I had just blinked for a second.
I was sure I had slept, but it didn’t feel like I had.
Fully awake, I remembered exactly what was on my mind before I drifted off.
I checked my phone; it was already past ten in the evening.
I closed my eyes to quickly fall back asleep, but sleep didn’t come.
I stared at my phone beside my bed, wishing sleep would overtake me.
But there was nothing particularly interesting, and it only made my heart ache more.
I had no one to blame but myself, and there was no one to confide in.
So why was it that the first person to come to mind was Han-gyeol?
Why did I keep thinking about him so intensely when I was this tired and worn out?
Why did I feel this childish need to rely on someone and throw a fit?
Although it was late and I couldn’t see his face, I still wanted to hear his voice.
Normally, I would have hesitated, but at that moment, I had become a rather selfish girl.
Tap-tap—
I tapped my phone screen and called Han-gyeol directly.
Though it felt a little off, and I was about to hang up, Han-gyeol’s voice suddenly came through.
- Hello?
Hearing Han-gyeol’s voice made me feel a bit sad.
The pent-up frustration seemed to be leaking out from within me.
I held my phone and spoke to Han-gyeol.
“Hello. Were you sleeping, Han-gyeol? I’m sorry. I called you so late...”
I apologized for calling at such a late hour.
However, Han-gyeol assured me it was fine without a moment’s hesitation.
- No, I don’t go to sleep this early. What’s up?
I couldn’t be honest in answering his question.
I missed you.
I can’t see you.
So, at least I want to hear your voice.
Unable to utter any of these feelings, I had to skirt around them.
“I just... felt like calling you, Han-gyeol.”
I regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth, afraid he’d think I was being childish. But then I heard his voice right away.
-I see. Eun-ha, are you planning to go back to sleep?
“Um? I’d like to, but I slept too much earlier, so sleep’s not coming easily.”
- Then, do you want to go for a night walk?”
“Huh? Isn’t it too late for that?”
- It’s not bedtime for me either. If you’re up for it, I can come by your place.
If it were any other day, I would have told him not to come.
It was inconvenient, and it was too late.
But today, I wanted to accept Han-gyeol’s kind offer.
I wanted to go for a night walk with him.
Shyly, I agreed.
“Yes, let’s go for a night walk.”
- I’ll cycle over, it won’t take long. Get ready.
“Huh? Ah— Yeah. Come carefully!”
The moment I heard Han-gyeol was on his way, I jumped out of bed.
Quickly changing out of my casual pajamas and into a tracksuit, I stepped outside, shoving a hat onto my disheveled hair.
Is this too much of an imposition? A moment of regret crossed my mind.
Then I saw it—a faint glow of light in the distance.
It was Han-gyeol, stopped in front of my apartment building, his classic bike blending shades of sky blue and white.
“Huh? Eun-ha, you’re already outside? I was about to call you.”
“You got here so fast, Han-gyeol... Be careful riding your bike, don’t speed too much.”
“I’ll keep that in mind next time.”
“So, where to for our night walk?”
“Good question. Anywhere you want to go?”
“The lake park.”
It was a bit far from our houses, but I really wanted to go there. And since he had a bike, I thought I’d ask.
“If we walk, it would take about 20 minutes.”
“Why don’t we ride your bike, Han-gyeol?”
“We could get there faster that way. Are you going to ride on the back?”
“If you don’t mind.”
Carefully, I climbed onto the back seat of Han-gyeol’s bike. I knew what this meant—clinging to his waist. It was a somewhat embarrassing action, but...
Right now, I felt like Han-gyeol would graciously accept my whims.
“Ready to go, Eun-ha?”
“Uh-huh. You need to go slowly, okay?”
“Sure. Still, be careful and hold onto my waist tightly.”
“Okay.”
With a cautious reach, I grasped Han-gyeol’s waist. I wanted to lean against his broad back but restrained myself.
For now, all I could do was gaze at his broad back. He looked dependable and mature as he quietly pedaled on.
I was so glad we decided to take this night walk. The cool air soothed my flushed cheeks.
My mind, so clouded with dark thoughts when I was home, cleared the instant I saw Han-gyeol. It was a strange phenomenon—seeing the face of the boy I like could instantly dissolve any gloom.
It must be due to Han-gyeol’s kindness, showing up at my doorstep without a word. And more importantly, his considerate treatment of me, without prying, as he always does.
I should have said I wanted to go farther. Then we could have stayed out longer.
It was a night filled with selfish thoughts.
***
Upon arriving at Lake Park, we parked the bike and took a short walk through the grounds. Although it was my idea to visit the lake, I felt like I spent more time looking at Han-gyeol’s face.
The atmosphere was romantic, just the two of us walking around the lake park late at night.
I wondered what Han-gyeol was thinking. Was he as conscious of this as I was?
“Han-gyeol.”
“Hmm? What’s up?”
“Thanks for coming. And sorry for bothering you.”
“Hey, no need to apologize. We don’t live that far apart, anyway.”
“Still, thank you. I was feeling a bit down, but I feel better now.”
“Well, that’s good to hear.”
My eyes darted away the moment I saw Han-gyeol speak, illuminated by the moonlight.
My heart was pounding so loudly, that I feared it would drown out the surrounding sounds. But I couldn’t just show him my back, so I faced Han-gyeol again.
“I messed up my mock exams.”
“Oh, I see.”
“I studied hard, but the results were disappointing. I was both mad and sad.”
“Yeah, that’s completely understandable. You did work hard, after all.”
Han-gyeol’s soft response was comforting. I was grateful he was just willing to accept my emotions. And his empathetic nature continued to warm my heart.
“Do you think I worked hard?”
“Yes, you worked really hard.”
“I’m not so sure.”
Han-gyeol halted his steps.
“Should we sit for a while? I’ve walked a lot.”
“Sure, there’s a bench over there.”
As soon as we sat down on a bench facing the lake, Han-gyeol began to speak.
“You know, when I don’t feel like I’ve worked hard enough, I convince myself that I haven’t. You’re probably the same. But from what I see, you have worked hard.”
I listened carefully to Han-gyeol’s words.
“I mean, you come to school early every morning, you never doze off during class, you even go to the standing desk at the back if you get sleepy. I’ve often refrained from talking to you because you’re always studying even during breaks. So, I’m not forcing you, but I think you should also believe that you’ve worked hard.”
Han-gyeol avoided eye contact, perhaps a little embarrassed by his heartfelt speech. I also turned my gaze toward the lake.
So, he had been watching me all this time.
Han-gyeol also looked at me from time to time.
The person I like had noticed me as well.
Irrespective of my hard work, that simple fact stayed with me. Embarrassed, I clenched the hem of my pants.
“Thank you.”
“Mm.”
“Really, thank you for saying that!”
I was looking at the placid lake, but inside, my emotions were anything but calm.
--- The End OF The Chapter ---
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